Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Basic Truth About Men...

Let me explain a basic truth of men and women that was shared with me. Men need respect. Women need love. Wives, if you respect your husbands they desire to love you. Wives who feel loved desire to respect their husbands. When this circle gets broken it feeds itself, morphing into two separate lines which move further and further from each other until eventually becoming parallel.
In my observances of my own marriage and the marriages of others, there are five major flaws that wives consistently do which have long term, detrimental impacts on their marriages. They are categorized as belittling, not being a helper, withholding sex, poor communication, and pride.
Alright, let's break those down. Belittling is an insulting action which cuts your husband at the core. It goes against everything you are to be as a wife. By belittling your husband you are stating, "Not only do I not respect you as my husband, but I also think you are stupid as a person and I am better than you."
Speaking of being a helper, are you? Wives, I am about to get old school on you. At your root you were created to be a helper to your man first and foremost...not his mama! If you are a stay-at-home mom, you are responsible for the home. While your husband is off at work, you do the shopping, the cleaning, the laundry, and care for the kids. This is a typical trade off.
I hear women complain that while they sit at night folding laundry their husbands sit uselessly by watching television in the recliner. The only problem I see is that the wife is still working instead of spending time with her husband. Yes, I said it. See, hubbie is out working all day long. He doesn't want to come home and do your job too. I mean, how would you feel if he called you from work complaining that you weren't helping him make sales calls, manage personnel, or lay tile? Again, I'm certain your response wouldn't be as kind as his is when you give him the silent treatment, yell and complain, or withhold sex because he won't help you.
Which leads me to my next point: be fruitful and multiply. Having sex is a crucial part of your marriage. The kind of sex you had during the first year of your marriage, not this bi-monthly "favor" that you are doing him by letting him have some. And you like to be romanced, don't you? What about your husband? So does he, just not the way you think. Husbands remember how you were when you were dating, when you held hands, played hard to get, and behaved like you were actually attracted to him.
Why not text your husband that you're thinking about him and want to mess around that night? Do you think he'd notice that girl at the office if you were flirting like that? Be dressed up when he comes home once in a while, hold his hand on the couch, or make out after the kids go to bed (if you have kids). Remind him that you think he's sexy and you are still attracted to him. Don't leave him to initiate all the action and then act annoyed, because I promise you some woman out there thinks your husband is attractive and unlike you, she's not afraid to show him.
I know you may not always be in the mood, but sometimes my husband isn't in the mood to talk when I am, but he still does. And I don't know about you, but I have never had sex with my husband and when it was over thought, "Thank God that's finished. I had such a terrible time!" I have always enjoyed myself. Many times when I'm not in the mood I remember that, and it changes how I feel and act immediately. But really, I find the more I flirt, the more I genuinely want to have sex with my husband, the closer our relationship is.
So now, let's talk...how about poor communication as the next topic. It goes something like this: "But, he should know..." or "I shouldn't have to ask/tell him. I dropped enough hints." Listen, point blank, your husband is not a mind reader. And he isn't selfish or insensitive on the whole, anymore than you are when you don't meet his needs that you may not be aware of.
For the rest of you, wives, you need to talk to your husband as if you love him and he loves you. I mean, would you speak that way to your girlfriend? Would you set such high expectations on her? Would you get as angry with her if she let you down or hurt you, as you do with your husband? My guess is no. My advice is to lighten up. This man is supposed to be your best friend, and at best many husbands feel more like you're their parole officer than their wife.
Communicate what you feel with respect and love. Don't nag and yell or tell him where he's fallen short. Instead, tell him how you feel and ask him to help find a solution with you. Respect his right to be a human being independent of you and embrace his strengths and his weaknesses. In all reality, your husband probably thinks differently than you, does things differently than you, and processes things differently than you. Instead of competing with him, learn from him and grow with him.
To truly become one flesh, you have to believe that he fills areas where you are lacking and you do the same for him. If you don't, then you believe that you are a complete human being by yourself and you have all the answers to all life's problems, in which case you shouldn't have gotten married.
The bottom line is wives have so much control over the happiness of their marriage and unfortunately many of them do not use that gift to their advantage. I mean, who wants to spend 'til death do us part' counting down the days! Marriage is a blessing. It's a lifetime partnership through good and bad, learning and growing, and supporting each other as equals. Wives, love your husbands. Respect your husbands. Honor your husbands. Remember those women who have lost husbands to death who would trade with you in a heartbeat the next time you are picking his socks up off the floor. Think of those widowed moms who would give anything to have a husband who interfered with her bedtime routine to let the kids stay up late. But most importantly, think about your husband the way you did when you first met him, and make an effort to be that woman that he fell in love with.

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